Everything I've Ever Let Go Of,
by BrownieFox
Summary: "... has claw marks on it." - David Wallace. The Digidestined, and living with three years after the adventure.


Three years is a short time when you're an adult. You blink, and the time has passed. You've aged and yet you look in the mirror to see the same face as you work the same job. But when you're a kid, three years is an impossibly long time, gruelingly long. And for eight kids, everyday of those three years its own small eternity.

oOo

Matt keeps his digivice on him. He's pretty sure they all do.

He likes to think he's the one who's moved on the best, who has shaken off the stary-eyes and left behind the fantasy they had all lived out. Their digimon were where they belonged, in their respective world, and all the humans were now trapped safe in the human world.

So he doesn't tell the others about how he stares into tv screens and sometimes just sits in front of a computer or holds up a phone to his ear as if today will be the day Gabumon decides to return or at least Matt know he's alive. It's impossible for his memories to be fake if all eight of them have it, but it feels so incredibly unreal. Maybe eventually he'll get to the day where they admit it to him that's it's all some elaborate prank. He knows they never will, and sometimes he can't decide whether he'd want it the other way or not.

oOo

Izzy never stops trying to find the Digital World.

Most days it's like a small side project that he slowly chips away at when he has time. But sometimes he'll wake from nightmares of never seeing Tentomon again, or of his partner being attacked by a much bigger and stronger digimon and crying out for him. Those times, Izzy jumps out of bed and rushes over to his computer and starts searching through data, looking through the code for even a glimpse of the Digital World.

It has to be out there, somewhere.

oOo

Mimi very carefully doesn't mourn.

She tells herself that the castuses by her window aren't funeral flowers. She moves to America, she dyes her hair, she lies on the beach and gets tan and for a little while she can pretend it's all okay, maybe even a dream.

But if Mimi was really trying to completely forget, to start an entirely new life, she was doing a terrible job at it. Not a day went by that she didn't send them an email.

And the cactuses stayed always, the first thing she saw when she woke up, and sitting in the middle of their circle rested her digivice as she slept. She went out of her way to sew pockets into her skirts and dresses and stupid jeans so that she could have it on her at all times.

oOo

Joe buried his head into his studies, following the well-worn footsteps of his dad and brother towards being a doctor. It's a good distraction.

He grows up and grows older and yet he can never sleep without a pillow beside him. During stressful nights in the digital world when he was awake at 2 am, Gomamon would press up next to him, comforting him.

Joe takes his digivice with him to tests, as if Gomamon is there cheering him on, supporting him.

It feel so stupid, so silly. He knew Gomamon for what in the grand scheme of things was such a small portion of his life, but the digimon had meant to much to him.

He got a fish and a big tank for it and he never told the others that it's real name was Goma.

oOo

Sora takes up bird watching.

Not that there was much of it to be done. Pigeon, pigeon, pigeon, seagull.

One day, her class went to the zoo and she spent far too much time at the flamingo exhibit. The pink birds didn't really do much, mostly stood around, and it seemed like some of them were sleeping. Still, Sora looked through the glass. Maybe if she squinted and used her imagination, she could see Biyomon on the other side.

When things were going bad and she didn't know what to do, who to turn to, she'd think of her partner. Biyomon had always known what to say. For the months she had known her, the bird digimon had become a voice of reason and reassurance. So Sora would sit on the windowsill in her room, wipe away any tears from sadness or frustration, and look out at the city rooftops.

Seagull, seagull, kite, sparrow.

She'd hold her digivice in a tight, white-knuckled grip and think of what Biyomon would say.

oOo

Kari cries a lot.

She's young and she's smart for her age but she's still just a little girl who made and friend and then had to leave her behind. In years to come, she feels even worse about leaving Gatomon behind when she understands what the digimon went through, what a lonely and harsh life she had lived.

One day, soon after the digidestined had returned to their world for the second time (Kari for just the first) she found saw the gloves in the store. It was missing the tips, and her mother had commented on how pointless they seemed. But Kari stared at them, and thought about Gatomon, and convinced her mom to buy them for her.

When Kari's nails got long she imagined them being claws, and like the child she was she'd pretend she was a digimon and chase her brother around the house, on her way to kill the evil Myotismon once more.

Other nights, she'd hold the gloves and her digivice and wish she could add her tag and crest to the lot. Kari would cry over the unfairness of it all until her older brother would wake up and hug her, no words passed between them but a deep understanding and love still there.

oOo

TK didn't cry as much as Kari, but he was also still young, and so tears were inevitable.

He cried more when Angemon had first died. Now, though, he'd been through the pain of being without his partner before, in a way that none of the others experienced until now. His grief was just as sharp, but it was less unexpected. He knew in a way none of the others could understand that Patomon was still there, would always be there.

So TK talks to Patomon.

Every night, he sits in his bed with his digivice in his hands. He talks about his day, what he saw, what he learned in school. Sometimes he talks about the others, how they're doing, and tells Patomon to tell the other digimon that everybody is doing okay.

On some level, of course, he knows Patomon probably can't hear him. But on the off chance that the device in his hand was still a link between him and his digimon, he would hold onto that lifeline forever.

oOo

Tai's life goes on.

He plays soccer, becoming captain of the school team.

He sleeps through school and plays with his sister when they both get home.

Tai laughs and smiles and when he cries it's not over Agumon. He grows for three years.

He isn't sad about leaving Agumon behind, it doesn't weigh on him. Because somehow, as Tai waved goodbye to the mythical adventure, the cable car carrying them back to Earth, he knew he'd see it all again someday.


End file.
